Does the past creep you at night? Does the pain the past brought you hinder you from living your life?
Past sins or failures oftentimes took long period of time for us to cope up with. Forgetting may be achieved after few days, months, years but on how we live the length of time healing our wounds is crucial. Coping up should not mean stopping life at the moment and waiting for the wound to cure itself but about acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance of faults and flaws are what will make you — yourself. On the other hand, forgiveness is what will make you feel genuinely happy.
Having big failures academically not once, but several times consecutively, had been a tough process of acceptance for me. First, I felt I wasn’t deserving enough for the things I want. Second, I thought I was too sinful that I was receiving punishments. Third, I felt I got nothing to be grateful at — I overlooked the countless blessings I’d been receiving.
It took not weeks but years for me to accept myself and my past. There were times I just sat down and stared at the wall waiting for something to happen. But, there were always captivating moments that hit me into the reality that I should not stop from hoping and doing actions. One day, I started to accept myself for who and what I am. There I started to appreciate both my limits and abilities and improve from both throughout the process of moving on.
Forgiveness just followed right after realizing that I am stronger than my past and after being convinced that everything happened was all by the will of Allah (SWT) and was just part of me exploring more about life and growing up into who I am now — stronger and wiser.
Indeed, they are beautiful blessings. They are lessons I won’t ever be able to grasp in years of sitting in a class nor searching Google for life, because they are designed for me to learn in the form of failure, in the form of pain.
Surely you also have months or years of memories you don’t want to remember however no matter how hard you try still they creep you at night. Actually it’s good because you are being reminded that you ought to move on from it not by escaping it but by accepting it.
Knowing that there’s something you need to change and feeling regretful are beautiful signs that actions are really needed. Without these, it may mean that you learnt nothing out from it. So if you encounter these, Qul Alhamdulillah!
What you ought to do next is acceptance and forgiveness. It’s not simply telling yourself but it requires days or weeks of actions and perseverance. Also, the process is between you and the Almighty. Always put Allah (SWT) in remembrance towards your quest to a happy life. Make Him the top priority and the reason to move on.
Asking forgiveness from Allah (SWT) is the most important among all. Not forgetting the past could be a good reminder that you have to repent eagerly and to ask forgiveness. There are sins that are forgotten and may Allah remind them to us so that we get to know how much should we repent more.
Also, don’t lose hope in asking forgiveness of Allah (SWT) because even you feel that your sin is big as mountain, His mercy is bigger than all the valleys of sins in this dunya.
My brothers and sisters, I believe you can move on beyond any horror of the past and fill your present with happiness and gratitude despite all that you have had to go through. Because, Allah (SWT) gave you enough strength to survive any difficulty.
Because, you are stronger than your past.