Don’t Let Racism Deprive Two Souls Of Their Right To Get Married

Among His signs is that He created you from dust; then, suddenly you were human beings dispersing [throughout the earth]. And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge. (Qur’an, 30:20-22)

The first verse reminds us that no one is better than the other because we all came from the same dust. Followed by a verse, that says the blessing of Allah regarding marriage. He created mates for us, with whom we can find peace, and then love and mercy. Followed by a verse, that reminds us of the blessing of Allah regarding our diversity.

It is exceptionally beautiful how this verse talked about marriage and then followed by diversity that started during the time of Adam and his wife (peace be upon them). The marriage of Adam and his wife bore children with different colors, races, tribes, cultures, languages that make our one huge family diversely beautiful. We can see the understanding of that historical event through the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who engaged into inter-tribal and interracial marriages. He married variety of women of different ages, and from different tribes, and race. He married them not for lustful reasons but to help and protect the poor women, and those who lost their husbands. The marriages of Prophet Muhammad are lessons for us not to be racist and not to discriminate when it comes to marriage. However, this issue is overlooked, or it is not often discussed thus there is just little understanding about it or it is totally misunderstood.

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. [Quran 49:13]

This is another beautiful verse that teaches us about unity despite our differences in terms of tribes, or race. We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. If we just reflect upon the deep meaning of this verse, then we will not dare to discriminate other race and we will not consider our race better than the other. Allah created us into tribes, so that we may know one another. It is a blessing from Allah that we have these differences, because through these we see how beautiful the creations of Allah are. When we visit a new place, meet new tribe of people, listen to their language, and taste their local food, isn’t that a blessing from Allah? There’s a new experience, and learning that we get when we befriend other people. But, another form of knowing others is marriage. We can also reflect upon that verse, in a way that it encourages us that there’s nothing wrong in marrying someone outside our own race.

If we just look at Islam, we will find beauty on how it encourages and teaches us to have a perfect marriage that comes in the form of simplicity. But if we look at the reality, we will see a totally complicated set of rulings we set for marriages. There are many parents who still interfere when it comes to the marriage of their children. They are the ones who set qualifications for the perfect spouse for their children such as wealth, education, age, beauty, fame, family background, and race. In most cases, they forget to look at the Deen of the person which is the most important one because they are blinded of other qualifications that will not benefit the marriage. And when their children found the right one for them, they interfere and if that someone doesn’t qualify their qualifications they are being rejected. And worse is they force the children to marry someone they don’t like and at the end, they won’t have a successful marriage.

Inter-tribal and interracial marriages are not forbidden in Islam. There are many verses that actually encourage us to know other races and we can learn from the life of Prophet Muhammad that he married women from different races. For the parents who think that race is a big thing to reject a faithful spouse for your children, then think again. Don’t let racism destroy your children’s life.

Najmah is a 23 year old Filipino Muslim, Clinical Nutritionist, Med student and Writer. Born and raised in Saudi Arabia. Living in the Philippines since 2010. She is the founder of The Muslim Bricks. You can also find her blogging on her personal blog.By Najmah is her personal blog that contains posts about her life lessons, Islamic reflections, personal excellence and journey to becoming a doctor.

88 Replies to “Don’t Let Racism Deprive Two Souls Of Their Right To Get Married”

  1. Patricia

    Mashaa Allah, the title of your blog post drew me right in. This is a very important topic! It’s wonderful how Allah has removed the guess work out of our lives. There is a clear right and wrong for the most important matters that take place in the in this life. Allahu Akbar.

  2. miaabril

    Dear Najmah

    I seek your advice on my complicated story , i come from an arab family , muslim and happy to be so .

    Since a young age , I knew I had a different mind set then my friends and family , to make it short , I never believed in our culture.. Especially when it comes to marriage.. Never saw myself marrying from my own people as I wanted to be as far as possible from this mindset .

    my family fell under the cultural influence unfortunately, I had a beautiful upbringing, graduated from the of the best universities in My country. I always had an issue with the culture, and the way people view everything with a judgmental eye. I met a guy in myjob , im 25 and he is 28 South American.

    In a month of meeting him ,he surprised me by converting to islam based on his own decision. After that he confessed his feelings to me , at that point I knew he was a special man, I new him for 6 months ..Someone who comes from a totally different background , yet fully understand my culture, and offers to speak to my dad about marriage as a way of doing the right thing.

    As you may expect, my dad and mum and siblings totally refused without even asking my opinion or even bringing it up to me! He informed me that he spoke to my dad and was told that @ you are a great man etc.but unless you have the passport please don’t bother” with teary eyes he left my house confused as to why all the racism when its not allowed in islam to do so!

    Skipping som major events and sparing you the drama involved , I took the hardest step in my life that I thought ill never do.. We eloped to Asia ..after my husband got a job offer we decided to leave this place and do what’s wright for both of use.. I couldn’t hurt myself any longer , I was desperate to break this culture although it meant breaking the hearts of the ones I love ..

    My parents reported me to the officials of course , giving me some troubles leaving the airport but thank god we eventually did ( we left the asian city to an island for a month as its part of my husbands job)

    After 3 months of negotiations by email and phone , i gave myfamily what the wanted , they said come back and get married here and save the family reputation etc. They assured me safety and not to harm my husband. Little did i know what they planned , once we arrived , i was banned travel and my husband was banned entry and was asked to leave..

    Its been 6 month os separation and i miss my husband so much , he talk to me and we are both depressed , we started looking for ways to help us out of this , we are kind of reaching something sold that can reunite us in a few months .

    I love my husband with no doubt , but he keeps remaining me that once I’m out I’m done thats it never to see my family again as they cant be trusted . Through all if what happened my family are good to me , although banning me illegally isn’t fair. But the idea of never seeing them again hurts me, i love my family and my extended family as well and its not fair to be separated from them or mu husband ! Having to choose is horrible, please advice me 🙁 im so confused , i want both but it’s impossible to have…they are stubborn and they never will accept they said its either them or him , but i don’t have a choice! They banned me how can this be freedom of choice

    Sorry for the long story , i thought details will help

    Please advise me

    Thank you all

    • Najmah Capal

      Assalamu alaikom sister, may Allah make your affairs easy. Could we talk about it privately? You may send me an email najcapal@gmail.com in shaa Allah I’m willing to hear and talk to you as a friend for the sake of Allah. JazakAllah khair for trusting me in sharing this story.

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